Five ways to tell if your partner is having an affair
This article is extracted from a piece written by well-known agony Aunt Virginia Ironside and carries some interesting tips on signs to look out for if you suspect your partner of having an affair:
“Even though surveys have shown that the majority of people are faithful in relationships, when it happens, sexual betrayal can be the most agonising trauma for anyone to endure. Even if you’re not married, it’s an unwritten agreement in all but the most casual of partnerships that each will not leap into bed with anyone else, let alone have a long-term sexual relationship with another person. But we are all human – and so, of course, are our partners. Affairs can happen, and do. So how can we spot if our partners are having an affair? There are five tell-tale signs:
Conversation: Our partners may mention the name of a particular woman or man more often than usual, sometimes repeating what they have said. Their conversation may feel slightly different and they may suddenly entertain new ideas that seem to have appeared from nowhere. The man who suddenly declares that he’s heard that Evening Primrose Oil is good for long life, and starts taking it, is a man to watch. A woman who’s never been known to read more than a magazine but who suddenly starts trying to wade through Proust might also be the subject of slight suspicion.
Sexuality: It’s not just people who go off sex altogether, claiming to have a headache or are too tired, who may be having an affair. Sometimes betrayers are so turned on sexually by their new lover that they start having more sex, rather than less, with the person back home.
General behaviour : They may become more secretive. They frequently claim to be exhausted or stressed, which usually means the betrayed feels inhibited about initiating a discussion about their suspicions – which is exactly what the person having the affair hopes to avoid. Guilt makes them bad-tempered or angry if anything intimate is mentioned. If you start questioning, they may well reply: `Get off my back. Of course, I’m not having an affair. How the hell would I have time?’ An innocent person would probably take the time to reassure you lovingly.
Appearance : People who are having affairs usually start to look better, partly because they’re paying more attention to their appearance by exercising or buying new clothes, but partly, too, because it’s impossible to hide the happy flush of sexual and loving excitement that infuses them.
Your intuition: Perhaps the most tell-tale sign of your partner having an affair is your own intuition. Unless you have a long history of unfounded jealousy or paranoia, then you’re almost certainly right. If your partner isn’t having an affair, he or she is almost certainly thinking about it. We trust our intuition far too little these days.
In the past, there have been some rather pathetic claims about how affairs can have a beneficial effect on a marriage. Maybe a very few have that effect, because they force the unfaithful person to realise how much he or she has risked losing, but on the whole they’re destructive. `While it’s true that if you asked Joe Bloggs what he’d do, in theory, if his wife had an affair, he’d probably say he’d leave her, the reality is that more people stay together than split,’ said one relationship counsellor `The problem is that the breech of trust is incredibly difficult to repair. One young man said that when his wife had an affair it was as though a crystal vase had fallen from his grasp and he was now trying to fit all the shards back together again.’
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Posted on Mon 28th Jan 2013 16:00:10
Five destructive habits that sabotage your love relationships
After three decades of working as a psychic I’ve helped counsel many people with love problems and I’d say that other than infidelity, at least one of the destructive habits outlined below is responsible for the break-down of most love relationships.
Read the list. Does it apply to you too? If so, it may be time to take some action to get your love life back on track.
Don’t get me wrong – your relationship is very important. But so are you. And so is the life you’d so carefully built up before you began your relationship. Don’t be tempted to start putting yourself and your stuff – your goals, interests and friends – in second place when you’re in a relationship, because it won’t get the results you long for.
When we fall in love with somebody new, it’s easy to make them the focus of your world. It feels fun to do that! But over time, if you don’t maintain your own life too, your relationship will feel like it has become your life. You’ll panic at the thought of it finishing because you have nothing else to do, making you more likely to put up with sub-standard treatment. By focussing on your love life, you’ll find other areas of your world start to look neglected, making you spend MORE time focussing on love instead, as problems elsewhere become unbearable… Here’s some relationship advice: Get the balance right. The easiest way sometimes to work on your relationship is to work on other things instead! Keep the interests, goals and friends you had at the beginning of the relationship. Keep them in good condition; tend to them. This way, you’ll have more energy, confidence and enthusiasm when you’re with your partner, and your full, well-rounded life will keep them attracted to you. And it’ll also stop you forever texting your partner to check where they are, what they are doing and who they are with! Everyone needs some space.
2. If Only…
If only he’d buy me flowers every week. If only she’d watch sport with me. If only he earned more money. If only she could lose 10lbs… “If Only”s will damage your relationship very quickly. You might think you’re stealthily having these thoughts but they’ll be visible to your other half through your actions. Yes, they will. You’ll pout when he comes home without flowers, or you’ll fidget resentfully through the movie as you long to watch the big match on the other side. Strangely, “If Only”s are usually the sign you’re in a good relationship! Without real, concrete problems to focus on, you have time to day-dream about hypothetical finishing-touches. My relationship advice? Stop. Instead of thinking about what your partner doesn’t have, think about what they do. Write a list of the top 20 things you adore about your partner and see how that immediately pushes the “If Only”s out of the picture.
You and your partner are a team. One of the easiest ways to damage your relationship is to be disloyal to your partner. So don’t spill all their secrets to your friends, don’t moan endlessly about them to anyone who’ll listen, don’t lie to them (even if it’s easier) and don’t go against their wishes on matters that are important to them – work to find a compromise.
The reason this is important is that the strongest, soundest relationships create their own feeling of “It’s you and me against the world!” But as soon as you destroy that, it’s gone. Some relationship advice about loyalty – see your partner’s best side, be the voice that boosts them up instead of putting them down. If they are someone you can’t genuinely respect or admire, you shouldn’t be with them.
4. Lack of self-care
It’s important to maintain your appearance when you’re in a relationship – not only will it keep your partner fancying you, it will keep your self-confidence high. You’ll keep your sassy, spicy edge which is one of the most successful ingredients in good long-term affairs. But don’t let your health, including mental health, go neglected. When it comes to appearance, the best relationship advice is simply to look after yourself: get enough sleep, eat healthily, exercise. If your partner has an unhealthy lifestyle, try not to copy it for the sake of “going along to get along”. If they eat unhealthy food, don’t give in to their pizza suggestions every time, introduce them to your favourite healthy meals instead or order your own light alternatives. In the first flush of love you might go without rest, but don’t skip sleep long-term, it’ll make you moody and more likely to over-react to problems that arise. Make your health a priority.
This is a very common habit amongst unhappy couples. They compete for everything – who’s the most successful, who’s doing the most housework, who buys the best presents, even who’s the most ill. It’s incredibly unsupportive and is one of the fastest ways to alienate a partner as they’ll soon turn to other people to receive much-needed appreciation and praise. Competition arises when one – or both – partners feels insecure. Disliking themselves, they feel threatened when they perceive their partner to be somehow “better” than them, so they look to redress the balance, either by boasting about their own achievements, or by belittling their partner’s. It can also be sparked by a major life event (buying a home, having a baby, marriage or promotion) that shakes up a couple’s life significantly. My relationship advice here is, if you’re the one feeling competitive, work on improving your self-confidence. The tips in this article will help, so focus on your goals, friends, appearance and health until your partner’s success no longer threatens you. If your partner is the one who always seems keen to out-do you, give them attention and praise and encourage them to build a fulfilling life outside your relationship. Then you should both be able to become one another’s cheerleaders again, instead of feeling you’re on opposing teams
Posted on Tue 15th Nov 2011 11:27:24
How To Heal A Broken Heart
The ending of a love relationships can be very painful, no matter whether you have actually chosen to end it yourself or if you’re partner has ended it.
So what can you do to help heal a broken heart? Here are a few simple tips:
Start slowly. Give yourself a little time to heal. Rose quartz is a very good heart chakra healer so take the time to run a bath and put some rose quartz crystals in. Try to visualise the pink soothing energy from the cyrstals healing your heart and when you pull the plug, feel all of that pain disappearing down the plug hole. Make a commitment to yourself to heal your heart and to love you and be very gentle with yourself.
Be kind to yourself
Buy yourself your favourite food (or even chocolate!), take yourself out for a walk, go to an art gallery, do something that feeds your soul.
Create a small altar for yourself, light a candle, sit down and meditate. Say ‘Take away this pain, give me a sign of the next stage in my journey.’
Ask for help
A lot of the problem is that we’re so focused on the addiction of the love that’s not working that we forget to ask for help. To actually just sit quietly and say to the universe, the divine, whatever you believe in, “Please help me take away this pain, I am ready to move on, I am ready to release this, and I have faith in my journey, help me!”. That’s a very powerful tool.
You need to remind yourself of how to be, and how to let go of fear. Much of the fear following the end of a relationship comes from the belief that we will never find love again and that we will be left out in the cold on our own.
Remind yourself of how powerful you are by reading inspiring books and articles, so that whenever the fear returns you can replace it with something more positive.
Committing to your power
This is bigger than positive thinking. It’s about saying “I’m going to give it a go. I’m actually going to believe that I’m a creator. I’m going to believe that I can change my reality, and I’m going to believe that I can heal. And I’m just going to take at least a whole day and even a week of not thinking about that person. I’m going to trust that I’m going to let go”.
What’s the worst that can happen? You can go back to your fear, and desperation and panic. Of course you can! But you can afford to take time out, because that’s not going anywhere. And when you take that time out, look after yourself.
Often we know these things, but we don’t do them. So make a real commitment to putting yourself first and making your healing your priority.
Posted on Mon 7th Mar 2011 15:12:21
Psychic Love Readings
by Linda your psychic guide
I’d say that around 90% of my clients consult me for a psychic email reading about their love life.
Well they do say that love makes the world go around!
Whilst a psychic love reading may sound a bit of a silly phrase it does sum up quite nicely what the love psychic reading will focus on.
Everyone of course has a slightly different question for their psychic love reading but there’s definately similarities
Many people long to have someone special in their lives yet they can’t seem to find the right partner. And this is often because they have a repeating pattern in their love lives. They always fall for the same type! A type they know are just not right for them. Unreliable, unfaithfull, unsupportive,etc. This results in in a cycle of destructive relationships that leave them emotionally exhausted and disillusioned by the whole idea of love.
If this is describes your life it’s time to break free and find someone who will love, care and respect for you. You have a right to be happy. You have a right to be valued. You have a right to walk away when something just isn’t working. Liberate yourself whilst you still have your dignity intact.
And then there are some clients who tell me they are looking for the ‘perfect partner’. You don’t have to be a genius to work out this is why they are alone or finding that a new love relationship quickly comes to an end.
There is no such thing as the ‘perfect relationship’. Each and every one of us has our faults and trying to find someone who ticks all the boxes could lead to you to sitting alone every night instead of enjoying a cosy twosome.
If you are alone and have impossible standards and expectations about what love involves then it would be a good idea to have a serious re-think .
Loosen up a bit and remember all good relationships are about love and mutual respect. A sense of humour and good communications between you both improve the chances of it turning into a long term commitment.
I’m here if your need some good psychic advice about your love relationships.
Posted on Tue 1st Dec 2009 22:30:00
Why Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt Were Never Meant To Be Together
By Linda – Your Psychic Guide
Jennifer Aniston was never destined to achieve happy-ever-after with ex-husband Brad Pitt because she is a ‘builder’ and he is an ‘explorer’, according to romance scientists (Linda says, ‘do such people really exist?)
People have one of four chemicals in their brain that moulds romantic chemistry, scientists explain.
In ‘builders’ like Aniston, serotonin is the dominant chemical, making them calm and cautious.
‘Explorers’, like Brad Pitt, meanwhile, are led by dopamine, creating a more spontaneous and risk-taking romancer.
And, yes, you’ve guessed it, Brad’s current partner Angelina Jolie is an ‘explorer’, too.
Professor Helen Fisher, an expert in the science of love, said: ‘It’s possible to scientifically understand why people partner better with certain types.’
Poor Jen – she was doomed from the very start!
Posted on Thu 29th Oct 2009 13:59:00
The Secrets to a Successful Love Relationship
By Linda – your psychic guide
Would you believe that the key to keeping your love relationship alive is not expensive gifts or outrageous role-play; it’s sharing just four hugs a day?
A recent online poll of 4,000 couples revealed that regularly hugging your partner can help keep a healthy relationship.
Other tips to keep the romance alive included spending at least 22 periods of ‘quality time’ together every month, such as a long walk or dinner for two, and gifts from partners at least once a month.
Researchers asked couples who described themselves as ‘happy’ or ‘very happy’ how much time they spent together.
They found that couples looking for the secret ingredient to maintain a marriage should spend at least seven nights in together, with two proper dinner dates every month.
But you shouldn’t spend all your free time with your other half. The survey also revealed that happy couples strongly advise others to spend at least one evening a month away from their partner.
Posted on Thu 29th Oct 2009 12:37:00
A Man Can Fall In Love In Less Than Ten Seconds!
By Linda – Your Psychic Guide
Working as a psychic for over 25 years I’ve heard lot of stories from my clients of falling in love with someone at first sight. In fact sometimes my psychic predictions suggest that this may indeed be my client’s actual destiny. Whilst some may remain sceptical that it’s possible to fall in love so quickly the news is that latest scientific research proves it to be true for men!
And the time needed for a man to fall in love at first sight is just 8.2 seconds, scientists claim.
The longer a man’s gaze rests on a woman when they meet for the first time, the more interested he is. If it lasts just four seconds, he may not be all that impressed. But if it breaks the 8.2 second barrier, he could already be in love.
However the same is not true for women. They let their eyes linger on men for the same length of time whether they find them attractive or not, the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior reported.
Hidden cameras were used to secretly track the eye movements of 115 students as they spoke to actors and actresses. They were then asked to rate their conversation partner’s attractiveness.
The men looked into the eyes of actresses they considered beautiful for an average of 8.2 seconds, but that dropped to 4.5 seconds when gazing at those they rated less attractive. The female students, however, looked at the actors for the same length of time.
The researchers believe that men use eye contact to seek out fit and fertile mates. But women are more wary of attracting unwanted attention because of the risks of unwanted pregnancy and single parenthood.
Girls, watch out for quick eye contact from a stranger. Who knows where it may lead?
Posted on Fri 23rd Oct 2009 14:17:00
Forget Your First Love Or Future Relationships Will Suffer
By Linda – Your Psychic Guide
Many of my clients contact me for a psychic reading because they can’t stop thinking about their first love. And often this nostalgia for the past has a negative effect on present relationships.
Do you remember your first love? How you couldn’t stop thinking about him and the little rush of butterflies you got whenever he called? Well, apparently it’s time to forget all that and move on’.
New research has found that the rose-tinted memories we have of our first love can ruin all our relationships in later life.
According to sociologists, the buzz we experience with our first love can become an unrealistic benchmark against which all future relationships are judged.
So, it would seem the key to successful liaisons later in life is to forget the intensity and passion that you had with your childhood sweetheart.
Dr Malcolm Brynin, who put together a report called Changing Relationships, believes having a more realistic view of our old flame is the key to long-lasting happiness.
‘Strangely, it seems that the secret to long-term happiness in a relationship is to skip a first relationship,’ he explains.
‘In an ideal world you would wake up already in your second relationship. If you had a passionate first relationship and allow that feeling to become your benchmark, it becomes inevitable that future, more adult partnerships will seem boring and a disappointment.
‘The problems start if you try not only to get everything you need for an adult relationship, but also long for the dizzy heights of excitement and intensity you had in your first experience of love’.
He added. ‘The solution is clear: if you can protect yourself from intense passion in your first relationship, you will be happier in your later relationships.’
If only it were that simple!
Posted on Fri 23rd Oct 2009 12:20:00
Is Jealousy Destroying Your Relationship?
By Linda Preston – Your Psychic Guide
When love is mixed with fear it creates one of the most powerful emotions on earth: jealousy. And jealousy is, of course, both poisonous and destructive to any loving relationship.
Having worked as a psychic reader for over 25 years I’ve had many clients confide in me about their deep feelings of insecurity and worry that their partner may cheat on them.
And so often their feelings are just that ‘feelings’. There are no real grounds to mistrust their partner. But yet they allow nothing more than what is just an unpleasant, negative feeling to destroy a perfectly good relationship!
If you’re plagued by feelings of jealousy you may begin to understand why by asking yourself the three questions below:
Why are you jealous?
When you’re trying to handle your own jealousy, the first thing to consider is why you’re feeling jealous. Did something happen to cause you to feel jealous, or are you struggling with irrational emotions rather than a current situation? Do you have trust issues with your partner? Or are your jealous tendencies left over from a previous relationship where you felt betrayed? Perhaps you have issues with trusting yourself that you are projecting onto the other person.
If your partner has done something that made you question their honesty, you need to address the situation.. Otherwise, take a look at the patterns in your life that have brought on your trust issues. Address these – and you’ll be less likely to drag them into an otherwise-happy relationship.
How do you express jealousy?
The next step is to question how you’re communicating your feelings of jealousy with your partner. Do you quietly bottle up your feelings – but secretly fume inside? Do you scream accusations and threaten to leave? Perhaps you even break down in tears, and beg them not to leave you – even though they have shown no indication that they intend to do so.
It’s important to use positive communication techniques to let your partner know when something hurts your feelings and makes you feel jealous. Choose a time when you can talk in a calm, safe way, and use “I” statements such as “I feel jealous when you have a drink with your ex-girlfriend” or “I feel jealous when you talk with women online.”
What do you do with jealousy?
The next step is to begin paying attention to what actions you’re taking as a result of your jealous feelings. When you start feeling jealous, how do you react? Do you check through his emails and text messages? Maybe you throw a tantrum and accuse him of cheating?
Whether you realise it or not, reacting to jealousy in this way will only leave you with more fear and frustration. In a way, your unconscious goal is to find something incriminating, so in that sense you will only be “satisfied” if you find proof of cheating. And. of course, your fear will eventually drive him away, emotionally – which is the opposite of what you really wanted.
Stop the cycle right now – the more you act out of jealousy, the more you create that vicious circle of fear and frustration. Of course it’s important to pay attention if your partner is acting suspiciously, but at the end of the day your jealous behaviour is not going to keep anyone from cheating – in some cases, it may even encourage it.
If you really want to let go of jealousy, you must also let go of the idea that you can control someone through love. Just as love is a risk, trust is a choice. Each time you decide not to pry , you make a choice to become a more loving, trusting partner.
Posted on Thu 22nd Oct 2009 13:50:00
Ten Top Tips For Starting A New Relationship
By Linda – your psychic guide
In my psychic work I hear endless tales from my clients of broken relationships that have caused much upset and anguish to those involved. And many feel that they cannot ever see themselves being happy in a new relationship.
When we’ve been devastated by the end of a relationship, we may go into new relationships ultra cautiously as we are scared of being hurt again. But this can be a bit of ‘two edged sword’ Whilst being street-wise can help you avoid making the same mistake the next time, It can also make you so hyper alert to possible problems that you never feel relaxed. So I’ve put together some tips based on years of psychic experience for when you’re ready to try again.
1. Let go of the past. It’s impossible to begin again whilst you still have one foot in the past and you are holding a candle for your lost love.
2. Realize you can make a choice. OK. Something bad happened. You’re not a victim. You can and will move on
3. Learn who’s safe and not safe and how to be safe. Once bitten, twice shy. Learn the early warning signs that someone is not sincere and put up proper boundaries to keep people like that far away from your heart.
4. Work out what you really want. What do you want for yourself? What are you moving toward? Know what your values are and be clear about what you’re looking for in a relationship. Then, be bold about not settling for less.
5. Realize there are wonderful people everywhere. You may feel that your last partner was the world’s worse cheat but don’t forget the world’s also full of great people too!
6. Learn where to go to meet people who enjoy the same things you do. Pubs, clubs and online flirting/dating sites are never the best place to meet genuine people. Join a club and meet like minded people and also you will have more time to get to know someone and to make the right judgements. If you like to dance, take dance lessons. If you like to walk, join a walking group.
7. Hold off on the sex. Give yourself time to get to know someone before jumping in the bed. A recent survey by Sociologist Dr. Edward Lauman’s found that 85 percent of couples had known each other at least 30 days before having sex and 45 percent waited at least a year. And these were the relationships that had lasted the course.
8. Check out their “fit.” How are they around your family and friends? How comfortable are you around theirs? If your family and friends really don’t like your partner are they seeing something that you’re not?
9. Pay attention to their general behavior. Is this person “laid back” or is your relationship full of drama? Are there periodic temper tantrums? Regular blow outs! Take care if so.
10. Listen to your gut instincts. You have a built-in radar that alerts you when something is wrong. So, learn to respect your intuition and you will make the right choices!
If you need more in-depth advice about your relationships contact Linda for a professional psychic reading. She always happy to help.
Posted on Wed 21st Oct 2009 12:13:00
My Psychic Guide to Eight Common Relationship Mistakes
By Linda – Your Psychic Guide.
As a psychic of many years experience I hear many unhappy stories about relationships. And it’s such a shame because much heartache could so easily be avoided. I feel that many people are unconsciously setting themselves up for failure without even knowing it. Look out for the warning signs with my detailed guide below.
I admit no one’s perfect (me included) but I feel that there’s some mistakes that have more impact on your love relationship than others. Have you made any of these blunders lately?
Mistake 1: Trying To Change Your Partner
“If they love me enough, they’ll change to please me.” So many believe that they can and will change their partner. It’s only a matter of time. They say, “If he loves me enough, he’ll change that small thing to please me.” But to your partner, that “small thing” isn’t so small. Even if they do try to change to please you, very often they become resentful. “You don’t love me for myself, but for the person you want me to be,” they say. And it’s true. When you try to change them they feel you don’t really love them. You just want to turn them into someone to fill your needs.
Mistake 2: Feeling Like You’re A Failure In Relationships
When some people see that things aren’t working out they become depressed. They feel as though they’re not loveable, that destiny is against them or that they will always be a failure in love. The truth is that you’re not a failure. You simply have not yet learned that sometimes you have to think outside of the box. Once you learn and practice new ideas and methods, you’ll be able to handle your life in a way you may have never thought possible.
Mistake 3: Believing You Have To Be “Good Enough” To Keep Their Love
Many feel they’re not “good enough”. Recently a client contacted me and said, “I finally found a really great guy but I’m miserable in the relationship. Everyday I worry that he’ll find out who I really am and leave.” This woman not only expected rejection, she actually did little things to bring it about. Soon she began to sabotage the relationship, finding fault with him at every turn. Although she didn’t realise it, she did this to feel better about herself. The truth is we can never earn another person’s love. The more we try the worse we feel. We must simply understand that who we truly are is entirely loveable. We must learn to make friends with ourselves.
Mistake 4: Rejecting Your Partner So They Can’t Do It First
Many reject their partners as protection against being rejected themselves. They think that they don’t deserve a relationship. They need to learn that they do deserve love in their lives.
Mistake 5: Believing Your Partner Should Read Your Mind, And Know What You Want “If he/she really loved me, they’d know what I needed and give it to me.” Many believe that if their partners really loved them, they would read their minds. It wouldn’t be necessary to have to actually ask for what they wanted. This is one of the most serious mistakes people make in relationships. Without truthful, open, communication no relationship can survive. Clear communication, however, is an art that has to be learned. And though you may feel that you have repeated yourself a thousand times, have your really communicated or nagged? Not only is it necessary to know what you want, and to ask for it clearly (without producing guilt) — it is also necessary to be able to accept both yes and no.
Mistake 6: Believing It’s Your Partner’s Job to Make You Happy
Your partner is not there to meet all your needs. If he/she says no, it doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t love you. Some demands may be impossible to fulfill. It’s not your partner’s job to make you happy. Your partner should be here to grow and share with you. You must learn to make yourself happy, and make others happy as well. Love is based upon communicating, consideration and giving. First, however, you must be happy with yourself, before another can make you happy.
Mistake 7: Believing It’s Hard To Get Him to Talk
“No matter what I do I can’t get him to talk, and I don’t believe he is sharing all of his honest feelings with me.” Many women claim they can’t get men to talk. When time comes for intimate conversation men clam up, offer a few grunts and expect women to magically understand what’s going on. Women feel shut out and men feel misunderstood. But, there is something women don’t realise. Men want to talk. Under the right conditions, they’ll talk all night long. Men desperately want to let others know what’s going on. However, something else many don’t realise is, men are more fragile than women. In order for them to talk, things have to be right. All that’s needed here is to learn how to create the right conditions and what’s necessary for a man to feel safe enough with you to talk.
Mistake 8: Are you addicted to drama?
Many couples keep relationships alive and exciting by fighting. When they see their partner upset, it reassures them that they care. Others have seen their parents fighting and this is the only role model they have. Some are addicted to the “high” they get out of fighting. A few crave the feeling of domination or control. Domination is not love. If it hurts, it’s abuse, not love. Think about it.
Posted on Tue 20th Oct 2009 14:25:00
Are You Emotionally Unfaithful To Your Partner?
By Linda – Your Psychic Guide
Do you have a really special friendship with a member of the opposite sex even though you’re already attached? Have you ever imagined yourself in their arms or even in their bed. If so, you could be being unemotionally unfaithful to your partner.
SO WHAT IS BEING EMOTIONALLY UNFAITHFUL?
Some people are involved in deep, intimate friendships with others and many couples may brush them off as harmless. But this type of friendship with someone who may otherwise be interesting sexually if you weren’t already attached could in a way be classed as an affair and be equally as dangerous.
BUT IS THIS REALLY THE CASE?
Probably yes! An emotional affair is usually more intimate than any ordinary friendship – even a close one. And that’s why it could really be called an affair! But is really being unfaithful?
If you or your partner are so caught up with a ‘ special’ someone, so special that you wouldn’t think of sharing the conversations or experiences you have together with your actual partner, you may be in deeper than you think.
As a psychic I would say that around a third of my clients struggle with this issue and are involved in some sort of emotionally charged relationship with someone outside of their main relationship. And it’s often someone they work with. After all most people spend several hours a day at work. Is it any wonder that they get a bit to close for comfort to a colleague?
In the beginning, emotional affairs can seem innocent. The feelings that you have are wonderful, and they can give you a real buzz. You have a lot in common with the other person. You can talk to them and feel really understood. You even begin to see them as your true soul mate. But they can be dangerous! You could end up falling deeply in love.
I have many caring clients who end up in this difficult position. They don’t wish to hurt the partner in their main relationship, but the emotional affair has become their main priority. A key clue to whether you are emotionally unfaithful is: “If the person you would call if you had really great news – or needed support – is the person outside of your relationship, you’re already involved in an emotional affair.”
Many of my clients are otherwise very faithful, but this very intimate friendship does become an affair of sorts. As their spouses end up feeling a loss of a connection to their partner, they get less attention, and there is a sense of betrayal.
Some also report having looked up an old or lost love online just for fun. But then later, they find themselves quickly being drawn into nostalgia for the past totally forgetting why the relationship didn’t work last time around. They become filled with the desire to delve further into the possibilities of what they’re feeling, imagining and wishing for. And that’s often when they call me for help . Sometimes they want to know if the other person involved feels the same way – or what the future might hold for them. Others feel terrible, and want to find a way back to their real partner.
So what drives people to connect so intimately outside of their main relationship?
Sometimes emotional affairs can keep a marriage alive, because they make you feel valued. At other times, these relationships can sew the seeds of what will become full-blown affairs. Some people find these friendships to be eye-opening lessons about what they need to ask for in their main relationships. But the downside can be guilt, confusion, and wishful thinking about a future that might involve complete intimacy can result. These relationships have the potential to lead to infidelity and divorce. That’s a high price to pay for something that had appeared to be a harmless friendship.
Whilst to some they can be dangerous, they can also be enlightening and liberating. Look at what this relationship is telling you about your main relationship. Never ignore or dismiss an emotional affair simply because there’s no physical intimacy. It’s telling you something very important about what you need, what you want – and what you have to offer.
And although emotional affairs can open your eyes – you need to work on the relationship you have, or you may well lose it. It’s up to you to decide if it’s the effort. If not, you must move on.
Posted on Tue 20th Oct 2009 12:39:00